i wish there were pregnant emoticons
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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