the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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