he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
