just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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