you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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