I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
