he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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