i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
