"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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