I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
