Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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