Umm I'm too high to move.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
