he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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