the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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