yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
