I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
