I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
