My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
