I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
