I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Do you still have your period?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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