Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Michael Bay diarrhea
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
