she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
