If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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