Will you blow on my dice?
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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