i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
