I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
