It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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