FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
this boner is exhausting
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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