the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Floor bacon is actually really good
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