so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
