and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
