im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
then he tried to convert me to islam
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
