K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
