I love black thongs
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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