I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
