Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
