I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Randomize
