I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
