Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
