Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
