quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
