im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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