I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize