As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
