these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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