So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
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