We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
