Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
