His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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