would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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