i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
