Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
