We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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