she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
