Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
