Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
