I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
