right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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