Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize