I want to stick my p in your. b.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I think your dad took our porno
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
