the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
