It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
