well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
