If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We talked him into tasing himself.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Randomize
