I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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