i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
