You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
