Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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