PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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