can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
