I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
