So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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