areolas are like halos for boobs.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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