So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
