I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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