Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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