just tell him i said nine months
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
