I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
