he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
