dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Randomize