u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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