Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
