Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize
