I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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