The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I wish I only lived at night.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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