I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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