Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
