Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
