I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
