We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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