I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
