alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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