I accidentally burped into my bong.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
