mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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