'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
