do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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