I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
