That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize